Why Do I Have Fears?

Tonight, along with my husband, I attended a prayer service for a state-wide day of prayer event. In which, by the way, my husband and I are participating in the area of worship. From the moment I arrived I could feel my heart race, my palms got sweaty and I was, internally, though maybe externall too, uncomfortable.
We arrived, were greeted by a lovely welcoming comitee, ushered to our seats and the first thing I lean over to tell my husband is, "That made me uncomfortable; when that happens I feel like my space was invaded." And although that is how I genuinely felt about it, did I have to voice it?
If by that last paragraph you haven't noticed, I'll tell you, I'm an introvert. I like my space and I rally like it when others have their own space too.
So, we were praying and people went to the front to pray for various needs. This went on throughout the service when the last prayer session was about to begin.
Now, I'm not going to say this to justify anything, but last night I had a migrane all night and woe to my surprise this evening before heading to the prayer service my headach returned, of couse it compared in nothing to the migrane I had last night. But come to my surprise the person in charge of that last prayer session asked me to go up and pray. I FREAKED! Turned to my husband, Julio, and said no! I declined the invitation to pray!!!
My mind was spinning.  I was freaking out, scared, confused and opted to decline a chance to pray. Of course my head hurt, it didn't impare me to pray. But my stomach churned, my pulse elevated and I got so nervous.
So the rest of the service a sat in my seat, with my nervous tic and embarrassed countenance.

This brought on a load of issues.  Frist off, I'm totally embarrassed. What was I thinking?  And of course my defense mechanism kicked right in and my outward façade was a determined, strong one. Secondly,  this put me in an awkward position. All I wanted to do was run, and I did. As soon as the final prayer was prayed and they began with the farewell song I slipped out of there, avoided eye contact with anyone or anything but the floor, went to the restroom and headed straight to the car. I told Julio I was going to the bathroom and I'd meet him out side. Thirdly,  I put Julio in a toughy. I new I had embarrassed him as well as soon as he told the leader 'she doesn't feel well and would rather not'. OMG!!! This made me feel a brazillion... I mean, a bazillion times worse!
So now, I began this post from the front seat of my car, waiting for Julio to come out and am now lying here in bed. We argued, he of course has the right to be upset, but I hold fast to my reasons.  Even if they do seem childish,  they are true fears I know I have to deal with and only with God's help will I ever get over them.
But my lingering concern is, Julio. He believes I had the obligation of praying, I of course don't. It was an invitation and I declined, it could have been handled differently,  yes. But he felt the need to go apologize to the pastor and try to explain my actions,  which he doesn't understand, to those who asked. So on our way home-silence!
We arrived he pointed out my faults. I expressed my points and the desire I have of him understanding my discomforts and then he watched some TV while I finished up this post. Now we are both in bed and I'm enjoying the sound of raindrops while wondering how this will be mended.

So, why the fears? Beats me! I stand in front of hundreds of people every week. The difference, I prepare and am not caught off guard. My defence mechanism kicks in when caught off guard. I normally have all week to prepare myself, and this time nothing.
So beyond making excuses all I can say is this exiguous area of my being creates more problems for me than a skunk in my trunk.

Now God, this is me asking You for wisdom and strength.

"Life didn't promise to be wonderful." ~Teddy Pendergras

Praying For My Husband

I got this from another friend =D, very wise to pray for your husbands, girls. Do feel free to post this on your wall to encourage your circle of friends!

by Nancy Leigh DeMoss 

“She does him good . . .” (Proverbs 31:12a)

Bless your husband by praying for him! The Apostle Paul instructed all Christians to pray for one another (Ephesians 6:18). This includes wives’ responsibility and privilege to pray for their husbands. Earnest prayer for your husband is good for him, for you and the spiritual health of your home (Proverbs 31:11-12).

Satan desires to destroy your husband, especially his character and his leadership in your relationship. Trust God through prayer as you daily surrender your husband and marriage to the Lord’s wise, loving care.

Day 1 Pray that your husband will grow spiritually and consider his accountability before the Lord. Pray that he will guard his heart by developing spiritual disciplines—Bible reading and study, prayer, meditation, scripture memorization, etc. (2 Peter 3:18; Prov. 4:23)

Day 2 Pray that your husband’s relationship with God and His Word will bear fruit in his life. Pray that he will be a man of wisdom and understanding, fearing the Lord. (Prov. 3:7, 9:10; Ps. 112:1)

Day 3 Pray that your husband will be humble and quick to agree with God about his sin. Pray that his heart will be tender toward the voice of the Lord. (Ps. 51:2-4; Micah 6:8)

Day 4
Pray that your husband will grow in leadership skills in your relationship—protecting and providing for you. Pray that he will lead you wisely and love you sacrificially, so that God will be glorified in your marriage. (Eph. 5:25-29; Col. 3:19)

Day 5
Pray that your husband will be faithful to his wedding vows. Pray that he will have a desire to cultivate your relationship as a sign of his loyalty and commitment to you, and as a picture of Christ’s love for the Church. (Prov. 20:6; Gen. 2:24)

Day 6
Pray that your husband will love righteousness and hate wickedness, especially the evils of the culture. Pray that he will recognize and avoid wickedness in his own life, and if necessary, take a clear, strong stand against evil. (Prov. 27:12; John 17:15; 1 Cor. 10:12-13)

Day 7
Pray that your husband will safeguard his heart against inappropriate relationships with the opposite sex. Pray that his heart will be pure and undivided in his commitment to you. (Prov. 6:23-24, 26; Rom. 13:14)

Day 8
Pray that your husband will work hard to provide for your family, to the best of his ability. Pray that the character qualities necessary for a successful career and ministry will be a growing part of his character—persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind, organizational skills, positive relationships with people, determination, etc. (Rom. 12:11; 1 Cor. 15:58)

Day 9
Pray that your husband handle finances wisely, will have discernment concerning budgeting and investments, and will be a good steward of his money in regard to giving to the Lord’s work. Pray that money will not become a source of discord in your family. (Prov. 23:4-5; Rom. 12:13; Heb. 13:5)

Day 10
Pray that your husband will cultivate strong integrity, and not compromise his convictions. Pray that his testimony will be genuine, that he will be honest in his business dealings, and will never do anything that he needs to hide from others. (Prov. 20:7; 1 Tim. 1:5, 3:7; Eph. 6:10-12)

Day 11
Pray that your husband will have a humble, teachable spirit and a servant’s heart before the Lord. Pray that he will listen to God and desire to do His will. (Prov. 15:33; Eph. 6:6)

Day 12
Pray that your husband will yield his sexual drive to the Lord and practice self control. Pray that your sexual intimacy together will be fresh, positive, and a reflection of selfless love. (Prov. 5:15, 18; 1 Cor. 7:3; Song of Solomon 7:10)

Day 13
Pray that your husband use practical skills to build your family and make wise decisions for your welfare. Pray that he will serve unselfishly. (Gal. 5:13; Phil. 2:3-4)

Day 14
Pray that your husband will speak words that build you and your family, and reflect a heart of love. Pray that he will not use filthy language. (Prov. 18:21; Eph. 4:29)

Day 15
Pray that your husband will choose his friends wisely. Pray that God will bring him men who will encourage his accountability before God, and will not lead him into sin. (Prov. 13:20; Prov. 27:17)

Day 16
Pray that your husband will choose healthy, God-honoring activities. Pray that he will not live in bondage to any questionable habits or hobbies, but that he will experience freedom in holiness as he yields to the Spirit’s control. (1 Cor. 6:12, 10:31; 2 Tim. 2:4)

Day 17
Pray that your husband will enjoy his manliness as he patterns his life after Christ and strong men in the faith. Pray for his physical, emotional, mental, social and spiritual strength. (Eph. 3:16; 1 Peter 2:21; 1 Cor. 10:11)

Day 18
Pray that your husband will have an eternal perspective—living in light of eternity. Pray that he will reject materialism and temporal values and put God first in his life. (Matt. 6:33; Deut. 6:5; Eph. 5:16; Ps. 90:12)

Day 19
Pray that your husband will be patient and a man of peace. Pray that he will not give in to anger, but will allow the Holy Spirit to control his responses. (Rom. 14:19; Ps. 34:14)

Day 20
Pray that your husband will yield his mind and thoughts to the Lord. Pray that he will not entertain immoral or impure thoughts, and that he will resist the temptation to indulge in pornography. (Prov. 27:12; 2 Cor. 10:5)

Day 21
Pray that your husband will learn how to relax in the Lord and, in his greatest times of stress, find joy and peace in his relationship with God. Pray that he will submit his schedule to the Lord. (Neh. 8:10; Prov. 17:22; Ps. 16:11)

Day 22
Pray that your husband will practice forgiveness in your relationship and with others. Pray that he will recognize any roots of bitterness, and yield any resentment and unforgiving attitudes to the Lord. (Eph. 4:32; Heb. 12:15)

Day 23
Pray that your husband will be a good father—disciplining his children wisely and loving them unconditionally. If he is not a father, pray that he will find a young man to mentor in the things of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21; 2 Tim. 2:1-2)

Day 24
Pray that your husband will have a balanced life—that he will balance work and play. Pray that he will fear God, but also gain favor with people he knows at work and church. (Luke 2:52; Prov. 13:15)

Day 25
Pray that your husband will be courageous in his stand against evil and injustice, and that he will stand for the truth. Pray that he will protect you and your family from Satan’s attacks. (Ps. 31:24; Eph. 6:13; Ps. 27:14)

Day 26
Pray that your husband will discover and live his God-given purpose. Pray that he will offer all his dreams to the Lord, and pursue only those goals that will bring God glory and count for eternity. (Jer. 29:11; 1 Cor. 10:31)

Day 27
Pray that your husband will understand the importance of taking care of his body—the temple of the Holy Spirit—for the glory of God. Pray that he will practice self-control by making wise food choices, and get sufficient exercise to stay healthy. (Rom. 12:1-2; 1 Cor. 6:19-20, 9:27)

Day 28
Pray that your husband will be a man of prayer. Pray that he will seek and pursue God in purposeful quiet times. (1 Thess. 5:17; Luke 22:46; James 5:16)

Day 29
Pray that your husband will surrender his time and talents to the Lord. Pray that his spiritual gifts will be manifest in his career, at church, and in your home. (Eph. 5:15-16; 1 Cor. 12:4, 7)

Day 30
Pray that your husband will serve God and others with pure motives. Pray that he will obey the Lord from his heart, and glorify Him in everything. (1 Cor. 10:13; John 7:17-18; Col. 3:23-24)

Day 31
Pray that your husband will recognize the lies of the Enemy in his life. Pray that his attitudes and actions will be guided by the truth as he brings his thoughts into captivity to the Word of God. (John 8:44; 2 Cor. 10:4-5)